don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
