The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was born a porn star she said
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
