You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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