I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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