can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
