On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize