she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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