We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
