I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
