I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just cut my nipple shaving
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think my moral compass just broke
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
