it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
