Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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