Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How's work?
Spinning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
