Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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