I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
