You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
