True but thats because hes a fetus.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
