i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
