So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
