i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
