it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
