Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
