Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
