she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
