Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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