I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
