so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And my parents said I crawled through the house
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
