you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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