I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
