he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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