I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
