Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
