Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
