tell your sister to shave her snatch
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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