It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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