I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
