State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
