guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
