What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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