we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
