The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
