he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
