I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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