I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
