Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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