So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
