i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
