The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
