when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk is not a location!
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