yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
