my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
