There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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