I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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