He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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