The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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