Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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