Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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