Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
