Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
