butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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