oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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