he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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