Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
