you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
