ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
