I didn't shave. On purpose
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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