What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
