I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize