you have to choose: penises or morals?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
