she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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