Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am puke
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Randomize
