mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
