his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
