You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
