If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
