made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
