let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
